The Daily Tallie

The Funny Thing About Love

2012-01-18T01:59:00.000-08:00

J: It's okay, there's still plenty of fishes in the sea.

M: ...but all the fishes are dead.

Pray and do.

2012-01-14T00:32:00.000-08:00

An amount of Christmas would be nice today. I miss Home.

Cantiknya Wanita (Lewat Mata Wanita)

2011-12-27T06:21:00.000-08:00

For me, finding beauty in everything is easy.
Yang lebih mudah adalah, menemukan kecantikan pada diri seorang Manusia. It comes very naturally to me: melihat cantiknya senyum seseorang, lipatan mata yang berbeda, tanda lahir yang menutupi wajah, betis yang besar, kaki yang pendek, kantung mata, warna kulit yang berbeda-beda; seeing all imperfections in one's face, or physical attributes, as beauty.

Tinggi, pendek, bermake-up atau tidak bermake-up, fashionable or messy: kecantikan bisa ditemukan dalam semua itu.

So when one day, somebody told me, "Her boyfriend is perfect although she is ugly" or "She is only pretty because of her make-up" or "She is fat" or "...only because of her boobies and nothing else", I smiled- but conform not to a single thing. Gue nggak yakin semua itu penting dalam hidup gue, atau cara gue memandang orang lain.

Dan seperti fenomena hidup yang lain, hal ini membuat gue berpikir.
Dan seperti fenomena hidup yang lain, kita belajar untuk menerima pandangan-pandangan yang ada...
Walaupun tidak semua pandangan tersebut benar.

Oh well (angkat bahu).

"Bagaimana Pria bisa menghormati Wanita,

kalau para Wanita tidak bisa saling menghormati?"

2011-12-09T19:14:00.000-08:00

...when cuteness can get you somewhere.

Seribu Tahun Lamanya

2011-12-09T11:29:00.000-08:00

We all are the people of anxiety-- bagian dari sejuta umat penganut kegelisahan.

Di dalam hidup semua manusia, pasti ada saat-saat di mana menunggu adalah satu-satunya pintu dan jalan keluar. Those times, when we feel like throwing up, badan rasanya panas-dingin dan satu-satunya yang ingin kamu lakukan adalah to spill it out, whatever 'it' may be.

Gue adalah salah satu penganut kegelisahan.
I constantly worry about my life, my school work, my health, my parents, my best friend, my friends, dan nggak jarang gue khawatir mengenai hidup orang lain. I guess it is only natural, that as social beings, hidup manusia memang nggak akan pernah terlepas satu dengan yang lain.

Two days ago, junior gue ditemukan terkapar, tanpa nyawa, di sebuah gang di Pluit-- karena sebuah Blackberry yang hendak dicuri. Like myself yesterday, he was a scholar. Like myself today, he could play piano.

Just like myself, he had a dream.

I have not even met him at all. Yang gue tau adalah kemiripan-kemiripan kecil that both of us have-- those little details, adalah faktor yang menghubungkan kami berdua. That is more than enough reason for me to relate to him.

Gue nggak akan membicarakan betapa kesalnya gue terhadap nasib. How bitchy can Fate gets to take away life from such a young, talented kid. Gue juga nggak akan menumpahkan kekesalan gue terhadap terkikisnya moral manusia. Kemiskinan yang membuat banyak orang buta. We all know how unpredictable Life is, dan di dalam hati, kita tahu bahwa Tuhan selalu punya rencana misterius. Who are we to tap on those matters?

What I could never stop thinking about is,
"Bagaimana dengan yang lain?"

Apa yang dirasakan orangtua yang kehilangan anak mereka, apa yang dipikirkan teman yang kehilangan panutan mereka, apa yang disesalkan oleh seseorang yang memiliki cinta ketika ia kehilangan cintanya? Recently, I found out that a girl wrote on my junior's Facebook Wall, "Gue belum sempat bilang ini, but I love you. I'm sorry I have not had the time to tell you this."

I love, you.

Tapi terlambat.

Karena kamu sudah pergi. Gone. In one holiday season. On the hands of some stranger.

Hidup yang tidak tertebak, yang sekali lagi reconfirm that we are indeed, the people of anxiety--karena hidup memang seringkali menggelisahkan. "I love you". One sentence. Three words. It takes a lifetime to say it-- all the anxiety in the world. Kejujuran yang membuat gelisah para penganut kegelisahan, dan selalu hanya ada dua pilihan:

Cinta atau Terlambat.

Banyak manusia yang sedang jatuh cinta di sekeliling gue, dengan cara yang berbeda-beda tapi esensinya selalu sama. Cinta, cinta, cinta. Katakan saja, kalau kamu memang cinta. Buktikan, kalau dunia yang penuh kegelisahan itu memang akibat dari cinta. Cinta terhadap diri sendiri, cinta terhadap orang-orang tercinta. Kita semua gelisah untuk mereka.

I, myself, is guilty as charged. Gue menganut prinsip bahwa gerak-gerik gue akan merefleksikan apa yang gue rasakan, be it love, objection, or approval. There is no need to say it out and loud. In most cases, I will not say that I disagree with somebody's opinion. I usually smile and nod, karena gue pernah merasakan betapa tidak menyenangkannya ketika pemikiran gue tidak diapresiasi.

And I will, probably, have the hardest time to say I love you to somebody I like.

The thing I learnt from that girl adalah, nggak ada salahnya mengekspresikan apa yang kamu rasakan. Once in a while, kamu perlu membebaskan diri kamu dari kegelisahan. People need to show their feelings.
We, need to show ours. Jangan menunggu "seribu tahun lamanya" untuk sesuatu yang sedang kamu rasakan sekarang.

For Melky,
I have never met you, but you remind me of how important it is to embrace this unpredictable life.
Rest in peace, Junior.
For what it's worth, you have done your part in this Life according to His most mysterious plans.

And we know those plans always surprise us in the best ways.

"What hurts the most, is being so close.

And having so much to say.

And watching you walk away."

-Rascall Flatts, What Hurts the Most

"I have died everyday, waiting for you."

-Christina Perri, A Thousand Years

Priceless

2011-12-01T18:52:00.000-08:00

2 Dec 2011, JM (Adobe Photoshop and Pixlr)

Money can't buy her kind of love.
I love you, Mama.

All of us need that corner...

2011-11-27T22:45:00.000-08:00

JM (Lightroom), copyright:pinterest.com

Mirror

2011-11-27T18:56:00.000-08:00

mirror |ˈmirər| (noun)

a reflective surface, now typically of glass coated with a metal amalgam, that reflects a clear image

Kaca, bisa jadi merupakan benda yang paling banyak sharing intimate moments dengan manusia.
Alasannya simple, kita nggak bisa melihat diri kita sendiri dengan kedua mata kita.
Mengenal, yes. Melihat?

Never.

Dan karena manusia seringkali menghindari that particular conversation "What am I like in your eyes?", satu-satunya cara untuk meneliti -to scrutinize ourselves- adalah dengan mengamati pantulan diri kita di cermin.

More often than not, saat bercermin, we surprise ourselves.
Those little pimples,unrecognized dimples, the eyebags- the things we never really put attention to.
Karena berkaca, kita bisa melihat 90% keadaan yang dilihat orang ketika menatap kita.

How God is creative.

In life, I can say that I have spent times with a lot of people. I lived in a hostel for 4 years, away from home. I have been in two all-girls school, mixed-school, I have mingled with people from different countries, and currently-am living with my fellow teammates from kampus. During the course of living with different people, I have always been having fun. Menyenangkan bisa mengenal dan dikenal. Rarity, hal yang harus kamu savour selama kamu masih muda.

Belajar dari pengalaman yang gue dapatkan selama hidup bersama dengan orang lain, gue bisa menyimpulkan bahwa: saat-saat kamu berinteraksi dengan orang lain adalah saat di mana kamu harus berkaca. Believe it or not, somebody else is the perfect depiction of ourselves. Well, to an extent memang kita semua toh manusia, so there must have been not big of a difference between all of us.

These days, gue banyak menemukan manusia-manusia yang lupa berkaca ketika mereka melihat orang-orang di sekitar mereka. Many of them feel superior, menertawakan dan berkomentar mengenai kekurangan orang lain. Being mean. Makanan sehari-hari mencakup melihat, mengkritik, dan berkomentar. Menertawakan.

People, berkacalah.

The most intriguing fact of growing up is, that you become more childish the older you get.
Five or six years ago I met the most compassionate, respectful, and decent teenagers. We were 16. They were so much more mature than the people I met today. As time went by, I began to know them deeper. Some of them went through a lot in their lives. A girl worked hard to maintain her scholarship to lighten the burden of her father who had cancer. Another girl suffered from anorexia dan dia harus berada di bawah tatapan menilai orang-orang, cemooh orang-orang. The others- they had their portion of hard life- broken family, obesity, pimples...they stuttered when they talked.

Go figure.

Kesimpulan yang bisa gue ambil adalah, anak-anak tersebut respect other people because they have felt how it sucked to be laughed at. Nggak heran, persahabatan yang dulu gue alami bersama mereka seemed so natural, especially because we did not care about what others looked like. Mau berantakan, mau gemuk, mau kurus, mau botak, mau punya aksen aneh sekalipun...heck we cared. What do those things mean anyway?

My point is,
We really should be looking in the mirror when we have the urge to judge people.
Kalau kamu mau menertawakan orang, berkacalah, apakah kamu begitu sempurna dan tidak mungkin ditertawakan?
Kalau kamu mau berkomentar mengenai kealayan orang lain, berkacalah, apakah there wasn't really alay moments in your life?
Kalau kamu mau mencemooh mereka yang berbobot besar, berkacalah, apakah berat badanmu sempurna?
Kalau kamu mau membanggakan bentuk tubuhmu, berkacalah, apakah orang lain menganggap tubuhmu indah?

Ketika kamu merasa begitu hebat, ketika kamu merasa begitu pintar, begitu cantik, begitu sempurna,
Kalau kamu gatal untuk mengkritik,
siap menilai,
dan mulai menertawakan,

berkacalah.

Lihatlah lebih dekat, bagaimana orang sebenarnya melihat kamu.
Mungkin ketika kamu berkaca, kamu akan melihat siapa diri kamu sebenarnya.
People have gone through things that we have never imagined.
Don't you think we should start growing up and help them sail through life?

Just a thought, for all of us.
:)

when nothing else matters-JM (Pixlr)

Why so serious?

2011-11-20T00:02:00.000-08:00

Di dalam daftar kegiatan manusia, 'melakukan kesalahan' mungkin mendapat urutan kedua setelah bernapas. Mumpung masih muda, make all the mistakes. Act goofy. Go embarras yourself. Smile more. Think happy thoughts.

So, again,
Never take yourself so seriously.
Breathe, and make mistakes.

Then be better.

Sedikit Tamparan- might be necessary.

2011-11-16T16:37:00.000-08:00

This is a blog entry I encountered a couple of days ago. I found it so blatantly true.

Guilty, as charged.

Meh.

The Pride of Busyness

Mason Slater Monday, 19 September 2011

========================================================================

Why our culture finds worth in a fast pace—and how believers can fight it.

“How have you been recently?”

“Oh, I'm not too bad. I’m taking a few classes, working two jobs, volunteering at church and on the side I’m writing a novel. I hardly sleep and practically live on coffee, but it’s great. What have you been up to?”

“Me? Just work I guess.”

“That must be nice." [thinks: slacker]

Have you ever had that conversation? I have many times, and over the years I have found myself playing both roles.

We take this sort of talk for granted, but if we step back and get a bit of perspective, it is a fascinating social construct with massive—and frightening—implications.

Those short conversations give us a glimpse of the way people view the world, because it is often the little day to day practices that reveal our deepest values.

You can see it play out every Monday at the office, and every Sunday in church lobbies around the world. People who have not seen each other in a few days or weeks start to catch up, and the talk quickly turns toward comparing notes on how terribly busy we all are. Volunteer positions, family commitments and work loads are listed, as each of us demonstrates just how much we are trying to juggle.

The sad thing is, we are quite proud of it.

And not very secretly proud either.

Oh sure, we complain about how we have not had a real day off in weeks, or how much work it all is. But somehow all our complaining sounds rather like bragging. It’s just backhanded bragging, like complaining that you didn’t expect learning Spanish to be so much work after you had such high scores in French, German and fifth-century Latin.

You can hear it in the voices of those recounting their busy schedules, and the guilt with which many of us have learned to speak of having free time. We’ve bought into the gospel of busyness. We’ve accepted the narrative we are constantly sold by our society—that our value rests in what we can produce, that we are loved for what we can accomplish. Full calendars become a badge of honor.

Lee, a pastor I knew quite well, was a perfect example. The only pastor at a small rural church, he worked constantly. In his mind, the success or failure of the church was on his shoulders, completely dependent on his level of activity. Between studying, hospital visits, preaching and leading worship on Sunday, teaching a few additional times each week and being constantly on call for everyone in his church, he hardly had a free moment all week. And you could tell. He was chronically tired and often dealt with long periods of discouragement. But he loved his church, he wanted to do right by them and the only way he could see to be a "successful" pastor was to work even harder despite his declining physical and emotional health. Because to Lee, like so many of us, work had become the way he measured his value.

So we push ourselves harder and harder. We sleep less, we work more and we do indeed accomplish a great deal.

But in the process we begin to forget how to sit,

and think,

and breathe,

and pray,

and read for pleasure,

and have a real conversation with a friend, or family member or spouse

and savor a drink for its flavors and complexities, not its ability to chemically induce either wakefulness or sleep.

Here’s the dirty little secret of the gospel of busyness: It promises us a full and satisfying life, but, in the end, it makes our lives emptier. It uses us for what we can contribute, and in the process we live less, feel less, even love less.

Instead of a life filled with the satisfaction of endless accomplishments, we've gotten ourselves a generation of chronic exhaustion, absent workaholic parents and kids who have been not-so-subtly taught that the only way to earn the attention and love of others is with grades, paychecks or championships.

But your value is not determined by what you produce. Your loveliness is not based on what you accomplish or how full your calendar is.

Work is good—it’s part of the way God designed His image-bearers—but it is not the only thing we were made for. He created us to have a balance in life, going so far as to incorporate a cycle of work and rest into the very fabric of the created order. There is a time for work in that cycle, but there is also a time for rest and community and quiet contemplation.

A life of constant overcommitment is not a sign of success, or something to be bragged about. It is a sign of imbalance, a sign we have put our faith in the gospel of busyness instead of in a God who dares us to trust Him and be willing to rest.

There is hope for the overcommitted, though; we don't have to live this way. We can balance good hard work with rest and play; in fact we were created to live in that balance. And the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can all stop playing the game of bragging that we are so very busy.

So the next time you catch up with a friend, refrain from contributing to the cycle. Refuse to brag about busyness as if it were a virtue, refuse to act like making time to rest is a mark of shame. If the very God who designed us thought that balancing work with rest was worthwhile, perhaps we should give it a try.

--
"We always have the choice."

Mungkin kita semua harus mendapat sedikit tamparan,

dan belajar menerimanya.

Merah. Putih.

2011-11-07T23:00:00.000-08:00

3rd Semester, Faculty of Law.
Hantaman yang paling banyak dihadapi oleh seorang calon pangacara adalah betapa banyaknya jumlah orang yang bilang, "Semakin lama kamu belajar hukum, semakin lunturlah idealisme kamu."
Buat gue, pendapat mereka salah besar.

"Jangan pernah mau jadi generasi muda yang pesimis,

tapi apatis."

Indonesia masih punya harapan.
:)

Life is good no matter what.

2011-10-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

October, 2011

Life is super busy- I have been experiencing loads of different things. Getting to gradually change, alter, improve (you name it) my perspectives of life. Can't wait until things slow down for a while and I'll be ready to share a little thought.

Tick-tock

2011-09-18T03:04:00.000-07:00

Time flies so quickly it's so hard to just be still and feel a moment.

Mid term is coming without me absorbing uni materials properly--I feel that everything's been moving so quickly-- the beginning of the semester, new subjects, general recruitment for (another moot court), and tomorrow, marks my first day living in a basecamp again.

JESSUP 2012.
Yes, I eventually made my mind up and decided to just go for it.

After hesitating for months and undergoing that particular hassle of having people trying to make decisions for you, which-most of the times- felt so irritating, I am ready to work again. Moot again. Trying to be somebody, again.

I'm happy about my decision, I am so ready to go out there and work my ass off. The people I love, as always, helped me through the painstaking process of decision making. A good friend told me to chill a little while and there I was, ended up having a little break just to settle down. At least while I was having fun, I felt that the fast-moving time was kind.

Malang, September 2011. With Esther.

Labil and still proud of it

2011-09-12T08:46:00.000-07:00

Pemikiran itu penting, karena merupakan proses sebuah menuju kedewasaan.
Karena itu, GALAULAH. Selagi kamu masih bisa memilih.

Galau itu gak bisa dihentikan pihak ketiga.
Galau itu antara gue dan otak gue.
Galau itu antara gue dan masa depan gue.
Galau itu antara gue dan hati gue.
Galau itu antara gue dan kebahagiaan gue.

Thus,
Let me be galau for a moment.
Karena kalau gue berhenti menggalau, gue akan berhenti memikirkan kemungkinan-kemungkinan yang bisa membuat gue jadi lebih baik.
Karena kalau gue berhenti menggalau sebelum gue siap, gue akan menyesal nantinya.

Galau is never a sin.
So please, let me be galau for now.

Don't worry.
I know, when to stop menggalau.

2011-09-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y M A I ! !

I really REALLY want to say this to you in person and give you a super big ex-roomie hug, but it looks like I don't have the luxury to decorate our room and plan a surprise birthday party anymore (remember your 17th birthday?) :(

I wish you a prettier face, smarter brain, kinder heart, greater spirit, and happier life, but on top of that, I wish that you will never change. Please remain as my nicest ever ex-roomie and best friend. You are somebody that I could never replace, no matter how old I am or how far I live.

Having a roommate is not something that everybody can enjoy and I'm thankful to God for my life in CJ. The best part was, definitely, having you as one of the people who became so close to my life. So, to celebrate your birthday, it is only right for me to commemorate my favorite moments when living with you...

The times we talked about everything, way before we were room mates.The IKEA shopping spree, we bought 2 carpets, you got the red and mine was the green. Dinner time-couldn't do it without a roommate. Decorating, AND cleaning our room- believe it or not. Madame Tee's tuition. ASEAN Dance. Finding dresses together. Dressing up together. Getting flowers. Acting dumb, yet still being ourselves. But the most epic, awesome, unforgettable moment was that afternoon after our O's. Remember? We came in our room, threw our bags, and screamed out of the window. On that day, I felt really relieved and was so thankful that I, in fact, always had somebody. I was never alone.

Many moments, Mai Le.
Thanks for keeping me sane.

Happy birthday and I love you :)

A Reminder

2011-09-05T06:34:00.000-07:00

I miss you too, Shortie!

2011-09-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

For all the fats-pinching, milk tea, toa payoh-shopping, staffs-bitching, grade-mourning, dinner sessions, birthdays, sushi-rolling, corridor sessions, shower gossips, bench sessions, snacks-trading, DVDs, captain ball, night studies, AND many more,

I miss you today, Jasmine Tan :'(

Innamorati

2011-09-01T23:39:00.000-07:00

innamorati (Italian)

-Lovers.

Love itu Cinta.
Banyak orang akan mengasosiasikan cinta dengan passionate love di antara seorang pria dan seorang wanita. Cinta di telenovela. Cinta di mellowdrama. Gone with the wind. Titanic. Romeo and Juliet.

For me, Love is a lot simpler than that and let me tell you why.

I have never been in Love.

The fact that I have never really felt something more than a crush then makes me an observer- seorang pengamat. Bagaimana orang-orang di sekitar gue jatuh cinta sebenarnya sangat transparan, melalui raut wajah, tingkah laku, dan kata-kata mereka. So basically, I need only to observe and process- dan hasil pengamatan gue mencakup beberapa kelompok Cinta. (Just a reminder, people, this is purely 'menurut gue'. Orang boleh setuju dan nggak setuju.)

A. The Lovey Doveys
Cinta jenis PDA : Public Display of Affection, yang honestly, often makes me cringe. Pasangan yang mendisplay Cinta Lovey Dovey sering membuat orang ingin berteriak "Get a Room People!" but for courtesy sake, many people will choose to laugh the awkwardness off, awkwardly.
Cinta Lovey Dovey biasanya gue temukan pada pasangan-pasangan berumur kurang dari 1 tahun, dan sekali lagi, pengamatan ini purely subjective. Once, gue menyaksikan salah satu pasangan Lovey Dovey bertengkar.

Sama sekali, nggak, Lovey Dovey.

Kesimpulannya, Cinta Lovey Dovey itu panas dingin. Gue kagum sama orang-orang yang bisa mendisplay affection mereka to each other and I do think it is essential to show how you love each other. Gue cuma berharap bahwa PDA itu bukan sekedar topeng, karena topeng...yah, nggak akan bertahan lama. Topeng-topeng akan terbuka ketika seorang cewek super lembut tiba-tiba teriak-teriak ke cowoknya. Topeng akan terbuka, ketika kamu telah menikah selama bertahun-tahun. Jadi topeng itu sangat instant. Be real.

Sekali lagi, ini subjektif loh.

B. The Passionate People
Cinta ini menghasilkan bayi, and in most cases, aborsi. Go figure.

C. The Cool, Calm, Composed
Cinta ini banyak di-display oleh pasangan-pasangan yang 'awet'. Some last until 5 years, dan bahkan ada yang bertahan sampai 8 tahun. Incredible, yea? Pasangan Cool Calm Composed biasanya memang cool, calm, dan composed. Artinya, mereka cenderung nggak membicarakan 'betapa hebatnya cinta kita'. Instead, mereka jadi pasangan melegenda karena orang lainlah yang sibuk membicarakan kelanggengan mereka. Bukan berarti mereka jarang mendisplay affection mereka ke satu sama lain, tapi mereka tahu batas-batas ke'unyu'an yang nggak membuat orang lain risih.
Shortly speaking: "Gue cinta elo. Elo cinta gue. Kita sama-sama tahu."

D. The Hurtful
Kamu bisa geleng-geleng kepala menyaksikan hal-hal yang bisa dilakukan orang-orang yang patah hati. Dari mulai hurting themselves physically, sampai saying awful things about the ones breaking their hearts. By awful, I mean horribly fake and reputation-annihilating kind of awful.

BOOM.

"Where is the love, People?", kadang-kadang gue ingin mengingatkan betapa head-over-heelsnya jatuh cinta mereka dulu.
Tapi ya itulah, Cinta memang bisa bikin sakit.

E. The Evergreen
Mama Papa. Kakek Nenek. Mereka yang sudah puluhan tahun menikah dan sudah melihat wajah-wajah di balik topeng pasangan mereka- and still stick with each other.
Once di Gereja, gue duduk di belakang pasangan Kakek dan Nenek. Setiap si Nenek batuk, si Kakek akan mengeluarkan sebotol air dari tas rajutannya dan memberi minum Nenek itu perlahan-lahan. Mereka pulang dari Gereja sambil bergandengan tangan. Jujur, gue nggak bisa nggak tersenyum melihat pemandangan itu. Jujur, pemandangan itulah yang gue cari-cari setiap Minggu di Gereja. Simple. Yet, adorable.
All in all, the Evergreens adalah orang-orang yang menjadi panutan di dalam berCinta. I think everyone wants to reach that stage in their love lives.

Klasifikasi di atas sama sekali nggak mutlak, karena Cinta adalah sebuah grey area. Pasangan yang selalu bersikap cool juga bisa berubah lovey dovey at times, pasangan evergreen juga bisa menyakiti satu sama lain, pasangan lovey dovey juga bisa dengan sukses mempertahankan ke-PDA-an mereka sampai tua. Masih banyak juga karakter orang yang sedang jatuh cinta lainnya, yang belum sempat gue jabarkan.

Personally, kalau bicara Cinta, I always think about Paris. Romance di Kota Cinta. I guess that makes me a cliche, right? :) But what I am trying to say is, that Love itu bukan sekedar jatuh cinta di Paris and live happily ever after. Instead, Love encompasses a whole range of counteractive elements: happiness, childishness, 'mushy'ness, passion, hurt, drama, maturity...tapi yang terutama: Love is reality. Jadi, apabila suatu saat reality strikes you in your face, dan kamu mulai melihat hal-hal yang kamu benci tentang seseorang yang kamu cintai, remember:

Love, is simple.
Kamu Cinta / Kamu tidak Cinta.

'It's complicated' is never the answer- it is merely a jargon, created by people who try to justify their confusion about Love. Kalau kamu mencintai seseorang, ya kamu harus menerima baik dan buruknya orang yang kamu sayangi. Otherwise, you have never actually loved that person. Kamu mencintai topeng yang dipakai olehnya.

Sekali lagi, Love is a Reality.
Sekali lagi, pengamatan ini totally subjective.
Sekali lagi, I have never been in Love.

Tapi gue tahu, Love is beautiful in its simplicity.

"Strollin up the streets

Of the city I grew up in

With you holding onto me

Your eyes reflect my happiness

And for a second all the skyscrapers surrounding

Fell under the clouds beneath our feet"

-Inamorata, by Ryan Bandong

For What It's Worth

2011-08-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

Reggio Di Calabria
by marc olivier le blanc

A couple of days ago, I was invited by a very good friend of mine for a lunch at Mulia Hotel. It was, for obvious reason, great. The table was crowded, we didn't have the chance to properly reminisce about anything. I ate, but with you, the greatest memory would always roll back to that particular conversation on an old bench, one ordinary afternoon, 3 years ago.

Semoga kita bisa hang out bareng lagi. With you, life is as simple as sitting next to each other, not having to say a single thing. Comfortable, in that very silence.

:)

2011-08-01T02:35:00.000-07:00

"...Ged had neither lost nor won but, naming the shadow of his death with his own name, had made himself whole: a man: who, knowing his whole true self, cannot be used or possessed by any power other than himself, and whose life therefore is lived for life's sake and never in the service of ruin, or pain, or hatred, or the dark."- A Wizard of the Earthsea

Living in Reality makes me a noob for fantasy.

Once, all of us must have felt this way

2011-08-01T02:19:00.000-07:00

Saya tak tahu mengapa, saya merasa agak melancholic malam ini. Mungkin karena terlalu lama tidur siang. Saya melihat lampu-lampu kerucut dan arus lalu lintas Jakarta dengan ‘warna-warna’ yang baru. Seolah-olah semuanya diterjemahkan dalam suatu kombinasi wajah kemanusiaan. Semua terasa mesra tapi kosong. Seolah-olah saya merasa diri saya lepas.

-Soe Hok Gie.

Good Luck!

2011-07-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

Kumala

For my forever tebengan.
(Kalo dimuat tulisannya, traktir!)

<3

S.t.f.U

2011-07-04T03:07:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like you don't have a clue what people are talking about? Even if you do, you're not interested at all. You're bored. Still- you force a smile, pretending all those are absolutely funny. All you want is for them to shut up. You're screaming in your head: Stop telling me crap I don't want to hear. Stop bitching about people. Stop telling me how I am suppose to look. Stop commenting on everything. Let's talk about photography. Let's discuss some books. Let ourselves loose from the gossips, the bad mouthing, the complaining. Let's, eat calmly for a while.

I have.

Piano, Soulmate & Cjc Bench

2011-06-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

When the world stops making sense, I still feel lucky.
Welcome Home, Esther Herjanto.

:)

Cinta Adalah : B . a . l . i

2011-06-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

Bali Trip, 2011.

For me, Bali has so many faces. Topeng-topeng yang bisa membuat kamu jatuh cinta.

Alamnya.

Gerakannya.

Suaranya.

Momen-momen yang ada di dalamnya.

And for those, my heart never left Bali.

"...betapa sempitnya waktu, betapa besarnya cinta."

-Puisi Lando.

I'm Not Lost, Just Undiscovered

2011-06-05T06:02:00.000-07:00

"...now I get to do what I love for a living, without acting like a pop star. I can travel the world but still be myself and retain some measure of dignity."- James Morrison

Now that,
is inspiration.

Kacamata

2011-06-02T11:49:00.000-07:00

kacamata (ka.ca.ma.ta)

-lensa tipis untuk mata guna menormalkan dan mempertajam penglihatan

Gue adalah seorang pengguna kacamata. Waktu kecil, penglihatan gue sempurna- tanpa kacamata. Tapi seringkali, gue yang masih kecil menyelinap ke kamar Mama Papa, dan diam-diam mencoba setiap jenis kacamata yang ada di laci. Saat itu gue menganut sebuah persepsi mode yang absurd: "Spectacles are awesome". Sejak itulah, entah secara sadar atau tidak sadar, gue mulai mengusahakan berbagai cara untuk membuat mata gue "minus": nonton TV dan baca buku sedekat-dekatnya dan sebanyak-banyaknya. Hasilnya? Voila, meet the girl with the glasses.

The truth is... I hate wearing them now.

Menurut gue, memakai kacamata malah membuat mata gue cepat lelah. I feel uncomfortable with its weight on my nasal bone. Setiap kali memakai kacamata, gue merasa pandangan gue dibatasi oleh seonggok bingkai segi empat, sehingga gue nggak bisa melihat sebebas dulu. Nyeh. Kita manusia memang nggak pernah merasa cukup. Tapi, harus gue akui, I can't live without my glasses. Gue sangat, sangat membutuhkan kacamata untuk melihat. Karena itu, I thank you, Kacamataku.

Now... let us imagine a very impossible scenario. About kacamata. Let's imagine, kalau kacamata bisa merekam semua yang dilihat pemiliknya. Kemudian, rekaman penglihatan itu bisa diputar ulang dan dilihat oleh orang lain yang memakai kacamata tersebut. Can you imagine what will happen if such thing is possible?

Pertukaran persepsi.

You see what I see.

Pemikiran seseorang (dan pada akhirnya, karakter orang itu) sangat dipengaruhi oleh peristiwa-peristiwa yang ia alami di dalam hidupnya. Seringkali, gue bertanya-tanya tentang perilaku, sifat, sikap, dan tindakan seseorang. Nggak jarang, gue sulit untuk memahami alasan dibalik keputusan yang dibuat oleh banyak orang yang gue kenal. Dan yang paling sulit gue akui adalah, gue seringkali bersikap judgemental. Menilai orang dari luar- jumping into conclusions. Selama ini, gue masih bisa mengingatkan diri gue bahwa sikap seperti itu nggak fair. Why? Karena seseorang nggak akan bisa kita pahami lewat sekali, dua kali, atau bahkan beberapa kali pertemuan. Karena pikiran manusia merupakan salah satu hal yang paling kompleks yang ada di ekosistem kita. Pikiran manusia, merupakan kombinasi pertimbangan, masalah, dilema, ego, nilai-nilai, keyakinan, perasaan... and the list continues. Karena kompleksitas itulah... satu-satunya cara kita memahami seseorang- atau pemikirannya- adalah mencari tahu where that person is coming from. Apa yang mereka alami selama ini? Apa yang membuat dia menjadi seperti dia yang sekarang?

Kontemplasi gue kali ini memang agak random, tepatnya muncul pada saat gue mengadakan trip hunting foto ke Kota Tua, Minggu kemarin.Saat menginjakkan kaki di alun-alun Museum Fatahillah, gue agak tertegun melihat pemandangan yang ada di depan gw. SUPER crowded. Manusia-manusia dari segala latar belakang menginjak tanah yang sama. It was a feast of diversity in its very essence.

Sejak punya kamera, gue merasa lebih aware dengan keadaan sekitar gue. Mungkin semua itu karena gue berusaha menemukan momen-momen spesial untuk jepretan kamera gue. Karena ingin menemukan momen itulah, gue mulai memperhatikan setiap orang yang ada di sekitar gue dan mulai berpikir "where do they come from". Apakah anak kecil yang main layangan itu punya rumah? Apakah pasangan yang sedang pacaran itu disetujui sama orangtua mereka? Apakah mas-mas itu sebenarnya pencopet? Apakah sekumpulan remaja itu sedang bolos sekolah? Apakah ada di antara mereka yang sebenarnya nggak bahagia di manapun mereka tinggal, dan memutuskan untuk melarikan diri ke kerumunan orang?

Dan mulailah gue berpetualang bersama D-90 gue, mengelilingi Kota Tua dan Pelabuhan Sunda Kelapa.

Kota Toea, Sekarang

Selama photo hunting, seperti dugaan, banyak momen-momen yang ter-capture lewat lensa gue. Semua foto yang diambil merupakan kumpulan persepsi - pemikiran gue mengenai hal-hal yang ada di depan mata. Semua momen yang tertangkap oleh 'kacamata' gue and for now, I'll lend it to you.

Bunda, Makan

Romeo and Juliet

Wonderful World

Vice Versa

Freedom

Kotor

Fatahillah, Indonesia

Sunda Kelapa, 2011

Overboard

His Definition of Happiness

Perjalanan Masih Panjang

The Oracle

Please Look at Me

Selamat Datang di Fatahillah

2nd Story

The Beauty of Independence

The title of each photo, and how I edited them more or less represent my interpretation of those moments. Sebenarnya masih banyak lagi foto-foto yang gue ambil, but let me show you a photo that, in my opinion, represents a very hard bite of reality.

Bocah ini, berlari di depan gue saat gue membidik kamera di Pertunjukkan Kuda Lumping. He held a cigar between his young fingers. Nggak bersepatu, kakinya hitam karena debu jalanan. Gue cuma sempat memotret dia sekali. Gue bahkan nggak sempat bertanya apa-apa kepada si Anak. Perhaps I was intimidated, banyak pria-pria bertato dan bertampang sangar di dekat si Anak. There I was, again, judging them through their looks. Tapi semua itu tentunya berbasiskan akal sehat gue yang takut diapa-apain. Mohon dimaklumkan. Banyak orang yang akan bereaksi sama seperti gue. Kita pada umumnya adalah penganut stigma yang berlaku di dalam masyarakat, walaupun kadang-kadang idealisme gue membenci realitas ini. Nyeh.

Yang bisa gue lakukan adalah, merumuskan pertanyaan-pertanyaan dari jauh,

Hei Adik, nama Kamu siapa?

Hei Adik, Kamu kelas berapa? Apa Kamu malah nggak sekolah?

Hei Adik, mengapa merokok?

Hei Adik, di mana sepatu Kamu?

dan berkata di dalam hati,

Adik, awas pagarnya karatan.

Adik, awas jatuh.

Sedih. Karena di saat gue berpikir demikian, gue sedang memegang kamera yang kalau dijual, sedikit banyak bisa mengubah hidup anak itu. Marah. Rasanya gue ingin memaki-maki siapapun yang mengajari anak itu merokok. My heart sank. Ada berapa anak lain yang bernasib sama dengan anak itu? Nggak usah jauh-jauh, karena tiba-tiba ada anak lain yang duduk di atas pagar itu dengan rokok di tangannya.

Holly beep.

Sepanjang perjalanan pulang, gue masih terus berpikir- gue masih mencoba melihat dunia dari balik kacamata si Adik kecil, mencoba memahami persepsi orang-orang di balik perilaku anak tersebut. For every action, there is a cause. Every line starts with a dot. Sepanjang perjalanan pulang, pikiran gue juga melayang ke mana-mana- dan mendarat ke skenario yang gue ceritakan di awal post ini, tentang meminjam 'kacamata' orang lain. Memahami sudut pandang mereka, mencari tahu apa yang telah mereka alami.

At the end of the day, gue hanya berharap gue bisa belajar satu hal : P E N G E R T I A N. Mungkin gue bisa mencoba untuk mulai memahami orang-orang di sekitar gue sedikit lebih baik, melihat dari balik 'kacamata' mereka. Perhaps, my asshole friend basically doesn't know how to be nice, or worse, has never been treated well. Perhaps, my ever-sleeping lecturer is actually really tired and cannot help himself to not sleep during lessons, or worse, maybe he has a sleeping disorder. Perhaps, the lousy administration staffs are also having difficulties with the system that they can do nothing much to help us, students.

Okay, the last one might be too much of a bullshit.

But you get my point, right?

Pengertian. Gue rasa itu adalah sebuah kunci buat kita semua. Nggak heran, toleransi dan empati selalu ditekankan di manapun kita berada. Dan gue rasa hal-hal itu memang penting. Suatu saat, gue berharap bisa menjadi seseorang yang mau mencoba memahami orang lain sebelum mulai heboh menghakiminya.

Gue harap, hal pertama yang selalu gue ingat di setiap perkenalan adalah,

"Hello Stranger, let me see things through your glasses."

Hei Makhluk Asing, pinjamkanlah kacamatamu.

Love,

the Tallie with glasses.

Dino and Potato

2011-05-26T11:01:00.000-07:00

For Mala and her Vallendar Man :)
-Faber Castell on A4

Color Play

2011-05-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

I love playing with colors.

Menurut gue, warna-warna baru akan selalu bermunculan setiap saat. Nggak akan ada warna yang benar-benar sama. In a lot of ways, colors represent diversity in the simplest manner. So yea, I decided to capture all those essence I see in colors, which pretty much represent what I believe in. The acrylics and cute little bottles of essence oil are the courtesy of my best buddies, Putu Eka Cinantya Kumala Dewi and Jesie Salim. Thanks for the stuffs , dudettes! :*

Do you know that white light is a collection of all colors except black? That's why, when you can merge black and white together, well, you basically manage to unite ALL the colors. I guess that's one of my definitions of peace. I think it's beautiful to take it that way :)

We constantly are looking for where we belong in this world, that most of the time, we forget that we have our own colors to radiate. Who you are, is not determined by who people want you to be.

Wonderland

2011-05-24T02:17:00.000-07:00

Bought an aromatic candle today, I don't know why. Mom used to collect stacks of colorful candles and I loved to play with them. She doesn't do that anymore.

Maybe, I wanted to remember my childhood.

The Religions of Our Minds

2011-05-23T03:58:00.000-07:00

Nyeh. You might think that this is one of those 'religious posts'. Tipe-tipe tulisan yang akan membeberkan keKristenan si Penulis dan (kemungkinan besar) mencoba meng-convert Pembaca-pembacanya. Jawabannya adalah 'No'. And 'Yes'. No, ini bukan postingan keagamaan, karena to be honest, I am never that extremely religious person. I have faith, I have religion- gue cukup beragama. Tapi still, gue belum berani menulis anything tentang keKristenan karena gue merasa belum tahu apa-apa. So again, ini bukan postingan keagamaan. Yes, postingan ini seharusnya akan meng-convert siapapun yang membacanya. Harapan gue adalah - even if it is only for the slightest chance- semua orang akan punya agama.

atheism (ˈeɪθɪˌɪzəm)

-(noun) rejection of belief in god or gods

Gue terinspirasi untuk menulis tentang 'agama' karena seorang teman. She doesn't believe in either God or the existence of any superior beings. Let's call her Subject A. Dia adalah, for sure, seorang atheis. Dia bangga akan apa yang dia percaya: Tuhan itu nggak ada, dan semua hal yang terjadi di dalam hidup manusia adalah sekumpulan jaring sebab dan akibat- the concept of karma.

Sebagai seorang self-acclaimed pluralist, I am perfectly fine with that. Banyak sahabat gue yang nggak percaya Tuhan, dan mereka adalah orang-orang TERBAIK yang pernah gue temukan. Tapi lama-kelamaan, si A mulai memperlihatkan ketidaksukaannya pada agama. Dislike and loathe, buat gue, adalah hal yang manusiawi. Tapi kalau kedua elemen emosi manusia itu mulai ditranslasikan ke dalam sikap disrespect- that's the bomb. As expected, A mulai semakin sering menjelek-jelekkan keberadaan agama dengan alasan : "NEVER trust something that does not exist."

Di sinilah gue mulai berpikir tentang 'agama', bukan dalam artian bahwa Tuhan itu ada (karena for some unexplainable reason, gue nggak bisa NGGAK percaya kalau Tuhan itu ada), tapi lebih ke pemikiran tentang 'Is it so wrong to believe in something that you are so unsure of?'

Semua kamus yang mendefinisikan kata 'agama' mengatakan kalau agama itu berhubungan dengan 'kepercayaan'. Bahkan dalam Bahasa Inggris, the terms 'religion' and 'faith' itu interchangeable. Agama adalah sesuatu yang kamu percaya. Siapa yang peduli kalau hal yang kamu percaya itu ada atau nggak? No one. Kita semua memilih untuk mempercayai something, apakah itu tentang eksistensi Tuhan, bahkan hal-hal lain seperti kepercayaan kita terhadap orang lain, sesuatu, atau diri kita sendiri. Pada akhirnya, kita memilih untuk mengikuti kepercayaan kita itu. THAT- is the religions of our minds.

Menurut sejarah, doktrin keagamaan muncul karena satu hal: rasa takut. Agama ada, untuk memberikan ketentraman kepada semua orang yang ketakutan. Until now, that applies. Banyak orang memeluk suatu agama karena mereka 'takut masuk neraka'. Nggak sedikit juga yang bersandar pada agama sebagai sumber kekuatan: perlindungan terhadap ketakutan-ketakutan manusiawi dan duniawi mereka. Dalam hidup sehari-hari, kita memilih untuk mempercayai maksud dan tujuan seseorang karena kita takut melukai perasaan mereka. Buat gue, gue percaya gue akan menjadi seorang pengacara sukses, karena gue takut kalau-kalau gue berhenti percaya...I will end up losing my mojo, stop trying, and become nobody eventually. Takut, membuat kita memilih untuk percaya.

Di dalam sistem pemerintahan monarki konstitusi, terutama Monarki Prancis tempo dulu, kaum-kaum aristrokat menggunakan agama sebagai media pencari kekuasaan. Gereja dikuasai oleh Kerajaan. Petinggi-petinggi keagamaan berlomba-lomba mendapatkan kursi pemerintahan. Begitu juga dengan banyak kepercayaan-kepercayaan yang ada di dunia kita sekarang: dengan kepercayaan akan suatu hal, kita mendapat kekuatan untuk merealisasikan hal tersebut. Para teroris dan suicide bomber mendapat kekuatan untuk beroperasi karena mereka percaya akan 'surga' di balik pengorbanan mereka. Pola pikir yang nggak akan bisa kita mengerti memang, sebagai orang-orang 'normal'. Tapi itulah yang ingin gue sampaikan, bahwa the religions of our minds- kepercayaan yang ada di dalam pikiran kita- merupakan sebuah driving force yang sangat, sangat besar.

Some people call it motivation. Others name it optimism. Buat gue, something yang kita percaya adalah semua itu. Dan semua orang pasti memiliki sesuatu yang mereka percaya.

Well, sesuai dengan misi postingan ini, gue berharap kalau semua orang akan mempunyai agama. Sesuatu yang patut buat dipercaya. The religions of people's mind that will drive their attitudes, tapi yang pastinya gue berharap bahwa semua itu positif. Having something that we believe in will construct the path we are taking. Bagi kebanyakan orang, 'kepercayaan' itu adalah aspirasi. Kamu bisa percaya bahwa kamu akan menjadi seorang fashion designer, lawyer, or a president. Kamu bisa percaya bahwa suatu saat kamu akan makan malam bersama Obama di White House. Apakah semua itu pasti? Nope. Apakah kamu tetap boleh percaya? Absolutely.

Believing in something, is the key to success. It is our MAJOR driving force. Jangan menjadi seorang atheis yang nggak punya kepercayaan. Be a believer.

Live, within the religion of our minds.

Love,
the Tallie who believes.

Everything in its time

2011-05-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

Sooo... I have to, HAVE TO share this super excitingly mind-blowing news...that I FINALLY OWN A NIKON D-90 DSLR!!!!!!!!!!!! *yaaaaayyyyyyy* :D:D:D

I am SUPER stoked for this new camera, just because I've been wanting to have one since forever. I wanted this even more than KORG X-50 (it's a synthesizer for music production) so that longing-feeling was massive. Art is something I've always adored and photography is definitely a subset of it, not to mention that my interest for photography came from the experience of browsing through DeviantArt for artsy pictures.

That is why, again and again, I can't stop saying that I am so thankful to God for this camera. The funny thing is that I almost gave up on getting a DSLR. I didn't want to pester my parents for a pretty pricey stuff and even worse, didn't really have the time to look for any part-time job due to a crammed schedule #confessionofacollegegirl.

Then suddenly, my house got robbed by our maids on a random afternoon. That day, my whole family went out and by the time we got back...money, jewelries,laptops-all gone. So there I was, contemplating on what had happened and couldn't believe my luck (despite all our losses due to the robbery) that if I had my DSLR bought by then, it would have disappeared alongside many of our belongings.

And now, I have my DSLR. Right. In front of. My eyes.

God really has His reason for making us wait, doesn't He?
I've noticed this through an uncountable number of experiences, but somehow always manage to overlook the fact that everything, is in its time. We just have to wait for that right moment- or reason. Realizing this now makes me stronger. It helps me to stop being so afraid of the extremely uncertain future. We, humans, are so small that we can control neither the universe nor the things that will happen to us. Say...the best thing we could actually do is to live life and trust in His plans, right? I kinda really,really get it now. And I hope you'll understand it too- if not now, maybe soon enough :)

So this is the premiere exhibition of my first ever photos (er..there are only two though) taken with my beloved buddy D-90, in our humble garden. Not perfect, but heck, I love them anyway. Enjoy!

Love,

happy Tallie :)

The Stuff that Makes Us Cry

2011-05-14T08:39:00.000-07:00

Bye-bye Second Semester

2011-05-14T08:06:00.000-07:00

Sooo...what's up with my life these days:

1. have really found my calling in life since I got into college. Yes, I love law that much.

2. enrolled myself to a Dutch course to prepare for my big plan in Holland (crossing fingers for either Leiden or Utrecth International Business Course)

3. been wanting to buy a camera, preferably Nikon D90.

4. been missing my best buddy, Esther. She's coming to Jakarta in June yay!
5. my Bro's home for GOOD! Life's more colorful and chubby with him around- literally, he forced me to order Macs at 11 p.m. There goes healthy lifestyle. Nyeh.

6. registered myself for 8 credits in short semester: theology, reading skills, and space law.

7. been chosen to represent UPH for debating competition. Shall I choose mooting instead? I hate dilemmas.

...and I am VERY glad to announce that character development is over for good!! :D yaayy, but the best moment we had during the subject was visiting this foundation called "Compassion Kasih Bangsa" where street kids usually come to study. So my Service Learning group came over and taught them some basic English. It was shocking to find out that they were GOOD, and (this is so heart-breakingly ironic) so willing to learn. A realization that bitch-slapped the part of my brain that always makes excuses to skip studying.

yes yes and I am SUPERDUPER excited to also announced that Indonesian for Law is ALSO over. I am super glad that I've managed to cling to the end. I have always loved Indonesian Literature, don't get me wrong. But this subject is a major buzz-killer. Anyway, we also went to a small school near Tangerang to teach basic law subject for kids. I mean, the VERY simple ones. I had so much fun, though. They were cute, fun, (overly) enthusiastic kids. Loved being there.

Yep, now final exam's over and I am glad to say that this semester has been fun. LOVED, LOVED the Environmental Law. My Professor is Daud Silalahi, his reputation is pretty established in Indonesia and he is super dedicated. One day I mentioned that I wanted to be an Environmental Lawyer to my Dad. Don't ask me about the look on his face that moment. I still can't hold a grin if I remember that. But I'll blog about the Environmental Law thingy some other time.

Happy holiday, Tallies and Shorties :*

It's not Democracy, It's Democrazy

2010-12-04T05:53:00.000-08:00

"Democracy."

It has been a long, long time, since I first heard this word. At first, it seemed like a gush of wind- I knew it was there, that it was important, but I didn't care because it wouldn't affect me by then. It didn't affect me even when I celebrated my 17th birthday, knowing that I was then considered a legitimate subject of political manipulation. Hey, I could legally vote after all.

Yes, I wasn't putting much of my attention to this word, not significantly at least. Until a couple of days ago.

"Class, read this article, and we are going to discuss it later."

Okay, I admit I felt a pinch of excitement. So what? I,after all, AM going to marry these terms these days. So there I was, reading through the article slowly, not wanting to miss any details that could cause any possible misconceptions. The article was pretty basic, we've touched this topic before in Singapore- with much more excitement. An irony? Definitely- considering the amount of censorship applied in every aspects of Singapore's politics. But here, in Indonesia, people are free to express their opinions, and this sounded good, until we realized that the truth WAS ugly after all.

Well I'm not gonna go through major details on the flaws of democracy in this country. For me, there are so much more to analyze, so much more to learn. That was WHY, I was excited to discuss the whole issue in class, hungry for any justification on why all the systems seem so flawed. Give me one.single.excuse.- and I am ready to accept Indonesia back.

But once again, the predictable happened.
Not only my lecturer skipped the whole discussion on democracy, he literally dismiss our efforts to bring him back on track.

Well my class is not an ordinary one- a small, international class, quirky personalities but still, are willing to learn. The lecturer totally ignored my friends' questions on what does HE think about democracy, and THUS, I asked once again, "Sir, if democracy in Indonesia is to be taken as giving out T-shirts or money for the sake of a political party to be elected, don't you think it THEN becomes democraZy?" Figuratively, this is like a wolf feeding the sheep to feed himself then, I thought. Yet, again, his answer confirmed my presumption (not so much of an assumption now) that there IS and will always be IGNORANCE- terrible, humiliating ignorance-in the heart of this country: "WELL, if political parties have the money to buy T-shirt for 200 millions people of Indonesia, so be it.CLASS DISMISSED"

There you go, teacher.

My trust- or any traces of respect towards him- crumbled like the very piece of pencil lead snapped in my hand. That answer, reaffirmed why Indonesia is in such a turmoil. That answer, ANSWERED the continuous political discussion on why democracy doesn't work in Indonesia. That answer, reflected WHY, the uneducated could not be educated, because the educated never studied- they skated on words and intellectual doctrines that they would soon be forgetting. Idealism, stumbles and falters. In this so called democratic society.

Call me idealistic, blame me for being overly pessimistic. But hey- I am a living witness here. I was so angry upon hearing that answer I did not bother to follow the rest of the lesson (not that the lesson did not end in the next minute). Yes, he wrapped up the lesson with no conclusion, leaving us extremely amused, bewildered, puzzled, I don't have the exact word to describe my feelings then.

Many occasions during my studies here left me in great disappointment, simply because the fact that I am not expecting some philosophy geniuses to teach me politics or social sciences. I was, and still am, hoping for a mere guiding hand to help me- and many of my friends, and juniors- to understand that this country is worth fighting for, that there is still hope for democracy in the very will to understand it.

Right now, the idealistic girl within me is still waiting for a figure to guide me through this. Dear God, please send me someone who has enough sense to realize that we are not hopeless youths. Please send somebody, who understands that Indonesia has not, but will someday reach its potential. Please make people come to their senses that democracy still has a long, tiresome fight for its establishment in Indonesia.

Please, God

Send me freaking Barrack Obama

:'(

The Wanderer

2010-12-04T04:48:00.000-08:00

"ada hal yang penting dan ga penting di dunia ini

tapi kalo kita cuman punya sisa waktu 5 menit di dunia ini,

tiba tiba semua jadi penting

but

gw tau waktu itu bukan waktu saat ini

gw tau lo tau waktu itu bukan waktu ini

dan gw tau lo tau apa yang sebenernya gak penting

jadi, gimana menurut lo? apakah sebuah janji lebih penting dari pada masa depan?

apa yang bakal lo jawab saat menit terakhir itu?

-not ur p"

I remember back then, when we were naive and young, you were my best.

I don't know why I remember you today...
No, in fact I have always remembered.
But today, somehow the memory is more vivid than ever.

Maybe it's the December rain.

I Remember

2010-11-19T07:47:00.000-08:00

"I Remember" , by JM and Tiara

These days I've been having the urge
to compose another song.

INSPIRATION...where are you?? :(

Hello, Lawyers

2010-11-19T07:29:00.000-08:00

Yep, updating my blog at last!

For a couple of months I've been EXTREMELY busy with all the works- university life can actually be so crazy you start to multi-task continuously,

...ESPECIALLY, when you're entering a moot-court competition.

So yeah, my life had been circulating around this very CORE of mooting- a simulation of court, more precisely, where you get to be either a prosecutor or a defendant in a case concerning (in my case) International Humanitarian Law. This IHL basically covers the protection of civilians in terms of war and holy crap can such a topic be so interesting! :D

I freaked out, really, at first, when I found out the busy schedule of mooting life and that you have to live in a basecamp for months to prepare for this. I mean, why all these, after I FINALLY can stay at home after what seemed to be a never-ending hostel life. But then I remembered why I wanted to become a lawyer, I remembered how much I wanted my parents to be happy, and all the stuff I'd been planning all my life and VOILA, I joined the team.

ASK ME ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE. It's totally bittersweet. I learned MUCH, though. All the things I wouldn't have known if I let myself throw away this opportunity. Again, I encountered new personalities, some made me wanna punch them in the face, some made me realize what it really meant to be in a team.

...but the craziest thing that happened to me was, that during those months of mooting, I really realized that I'd been living life so comfortably. Even back in Singapore, my life was super fine, far away from any, ANY, inconvenience and by the time I faced the truth...BAM! It hit me like a truck.

Well, in short, I found out how people -who were not as lucky as I was- lived, traveled, worked- fought for their lives. Traveling by 'angkot', listening to 'musik yang merakyat', sweat, shoutings, all these seemed so organic and were so mashed into reality. How precious a five thousand note could be, how important a minute was in chasing a bus...It kinda amazed me that I've overlooked all these till then. I missed all these when busy talking about my vision to proliferate poverty. Funny as it was, I observed clumsily, taking in all the details of the real living.

Angkot, for the VERY first time

The light in angkot :P

...And God how I felt damn lucky.

Working hard, not giving in to this HUGE desire to give up, I managed to survive mooting. The oral round was a feast of experience, food for my brain, earthquake on my nerve system. I met many geniuses though, it made me realize that there is always that 'other' sky. Thank God, we snatched the 3rd place and I am happy as it is. No regrets. Not even a little.

Well now I've moved on, lots of works to wrap up and final exam approaching. I'm psyched for all those though, because what else could you ask from God but a MEANINGFUL, BUSY life?

2nd best oralist and 2nd runner up, Indonesian Round!

And a normal life, at last :)

Perhaps You (Someday)

2010-07-01T03:20:00.000-07:00

It is so inevitable for us who dwell in a big city to experience ironies, dilemmas, portraits of a real life which are often kept hidden to maintain the humanity of humans.

Imagine a plump, rosy-cheeked young master who chew his chocolate voraciously

in front of a skinny, malnourished beggar kid.

This picture will never have its privilege to be framed in a newspaper. So do many other inconvenient truths existing in our society- simple incidents, forgotten injustice : child labor, uneducated young men and women, bored and beaten housewives.

Well I've been in Singapore, where poverty can be said to not exist- at least extreme poverty is a legend. I went to South Borneo, where my eyes were wide opened in astonishment and humiliation and guilt and empathy and anger, in seeing my fellow countrymen- poor citizens- who can't afford basic sanitation. They bathe and brush their teeth with the same water. But most importantly, I LIVE in Jakarta, where I know that injustice is as real as my own presence. Poverty is what I see through the car window, everywhere I go, anytime in a day.

I remember one janitor lady in a country club who never smiled at me even once. I did not know what she might be thinking about me. 'Little brat'? Or even 'I don't care who the hell you are but you better get out of my way and my fucking miserable life'? I don't know. But one day, in my 20 years old of life, I decided to give her a five thousand rupiahs note before I went home.

She never forgets to smile ever since...

That simple gesture of giving her a very little amount of money comes from the realization of how small a five thousand is. I found that very note in my wallet- crippled and sellotaped. Priceless. At least to me. But definitely not to her. So eventually, I handed it over to her.

But then again, the whole incident left me thinking, "Can you buy a smile?" Maybe like a song said, it is a mad world. Sometimes one can be black, or white, but most often it is gray. You'll never know exactly- all things become surprises. And most unfortunately, those surprises are usually the results of our very own instinct to survive. The lady might have changed because she felt grateful to me. But it also does not throw away the possibility that she smiled because she thought that by doing that, I was going to give her more money. Again, an instinct to survive. To pleasure oneself.

What saddens me the most is that maybe the most fundamental and instrumental aspect of humanity may have been wiped away with the tumor-ished growth of instinct to survive - compassion has failed. In this poor, poor world.

Well, you might think that I am a pessimistic, Al-Gore or Gandhi wanna-be. But to be honest, I, on the contrary, feel absolutely optimistic. Of course, I know that we are still people, we are human, and we fight for humanity. You, and I, my dear friends.

The future might be an omen of a bleak midwinter, but still, I know you and I are ready to bring a summer back. I do have faith in us, my friend, because we are still human today.

Well, perhaps You are going to make it all better. Perhaps You, are the one who will remind people that compassion and love still exist.Perhaps You are going to walk barefooted while carrying a helpless little victim of injustice. Perhaps You will notice that this world can use some help to become what it used to be. And perhaps You, can make it better.

Perhaps You, are going to make a change, My Dear Friend.

The change that will bring us out from this suffocating air of despair.
Perhaps, My Friend.
Well perhaps...

Perhaps,

You are Me.

2010-06-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

Lovedoesnotconsistingazingateachother ,

b u t

inlookingoutwardtogetherin

thesamedirection

Someone once said this to me in a letter and I do think it's beautiful. In many ways.

2010-06-25T08:36:00.000-07:00

It is not just about getting the ball into the hole.

It is about knowing precisely where the water will flow- and deliver with both intelligence and luck.

Golf, is an art.

2010-06-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

"I am 20 and I often feel old..."

I am young. I reminisce about the past. I plan for the future. I regret my childish mistakes. I learn to get up and become a better person.

I am 20 and I often feel old...
because I know time is never enough. I know I will never be pleased. I know I will crave for more. I will want bigger, better- I want more.

I feel old...

because I am so. fucking. young.

A white lie

2010-03-21T04:39:00.000-07:00

"My relationship with you is like loving one so deeply and then hating it so badly. And being forced to love you again is like swallowing cough medicine for children- sweet, but still, it's supposed to taste bitter. My relationship with you, is called a bitter sweet relationship..."-JM

2010-03-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

5 Lying on the bed.Di lantai dua sebuah asrama tua.Ternyata enak juga,tidur-tiduran tanpa tujuan yang jelas-when there’s nothing to do even though there’re always so many things to be done.Menutup mata,terus mulai berpikir tentang apapun-random things.Sekumpulan bentuk-bentuk asing dan gak jelas-tapi pada akhirnya,pikiranku selalu kembali ke rumah.

4 Walking up there.Jembatan penyeberangan-Whitley Rd.Berdiri melawan arus mobil-mobil dan motor tanpa takut ditabrak.Berada di ketinggian tanpa takut jatuh.Merasa superior,dengan hembusan angin dan hamparan pemandangan lalu lintas kota metropolitan.Take a deep breath,nikmati saat-saat kamu berada di atas.

3 Making love with my laptop.Di balik jendela sebuah kamar berteralis besi.Bercinta dengan teknologi.Di sebelah tumpukan buku pelajaran yang terbakar api cemburu.Perasaan bersalah yang menyenangkan.Those times when I decided to rebel,the moments in which I stopped for a while…

2 Good Morning,Dunia.Sebuah meja panjang Burger King,Changi Airport.Di hadapan sebungkus French Fries panas dan segelas Milo dingin.A weird combination,but typical.Sebentar-sebentar mengecek tumpukan koper dan backpack tua.My soulmates-bertahun-tahun bertahan dengan beratnya bawaanku,terima kasih.Bau pendingin ruangan bercampur dengan sesentil bau karpet bandara.Aku memejamkan mata sambil menghirupnya dalam-dalam.Hmm…sinar matahari menembus masuk lewat jendela-jendela kaca raksasa.It’s morning.Selamat pagi,Dunia!

1 Lying on my bed.Sebuah kamar berdinding biru-Jakarta.Denting-denting piano terdengar dari luar.My dad is a clumsy pianist,hasil dari latihan otodidak selama bertahun-tahun.Nada-nada musik Papa merupakan nalurinya,bukan musik gubahan Bach,Mantovanni,atau Mozart-Music from his heart.Suara-suara motor di kejauhan bercampur dengan denting-denting piring cucian di dapur.Mencium bau selimut tua-Mr.Quilt Comforter.Saat memejamkan mata (lagi),semua itu bercampur menjadi sebuah orkestra bunyi dan aroma yang menjanjikan kehangatan.Perlindungan.Tempat perhentian.

…

Lying on my bed,pada sebuah senja.

Aku menutup mata dan mulai berimajinasi untuk yang kesekian kalinya.

But this time…

I fell asleep

…dan bermimpi tentang rumah.

(menarik napas,menghembuskannya dengan lega)-

====================================================

-fin-

have you ever wondered...

2010-03-16T08:52:00.001-07:00

Who Am I? by ChiyoAme on Polyvore.com

...and Everybody Has Their Own Questions

2010-03-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

Funny how God has mapped our lives in certain ways that we could not have imagined with our tiny little human brains.

Before I went to Junior College, I'd always known what I was going to be. All my actions based on the perfectly unchallenged knowledge that someday, I'd definitely be a doctor- so I thought at that time. You know, those realizations which made me so sure that I was going to be working in medical field came in many occasions, they struck me and made me think that God must be joking if I didn't end up as a doctor.

I remember I made a promise to my Grandma before she passed away on a hospital bed, that someday I'd make it as a doctor, that I wouldn't let anyone die effortlessly, beaten by the diseases which took them away from their loved ones. Once, I helped a man with a heart pain at the church, and after that incident, I felt like I was born to be, yep, a doctor (once again). All those moments when I was so sure about my future was blissful, but as I grew older (or perhaps, wiser)...I tend to weigh things carefully. As a matter of fact, the more I weighed, the more I became confused.

The thing I'm trying to say is, that you'll never be sure of anything, really. Opinions will be challenged, and dreams will meet their boundaries. These days, I've been wanting it so badly to enroll to a law school. In fact, it's always between those two : medicine and law. People often chuckle and say :"Dude, those are like different ends of a magnet." And I agree.

There are always worries about how long I have to study medicine, will I survive the practicals and yes, the chemistry sessions. I want to work ASAP, because there are so many things I want to do; send my nanny to Mekkah, pay for my Dad's medicine by myself, buy my Mom a house with a big garden... I just can't wait to make it happen! Besides, I became more into humanities than science, which didn't surprise me, apparently.

What I'm always sure of is, that you have to do something that you're passionate of. I love helping people out, and that's maybe why I want to be a doctor. But I know that I've always loved debating and expressing my opinions. I love meeting new people and knowing what they're thinking. I love being in an organization, and I do miss my junior high school OSIS (prefectorial board) friends. The most important thing is, maybe all this while, I haven't really realized that there are so many ways in which you can help people. So whatever you do, if there's the will, you can always make it happen.

So I've decided to apply for a law course in Pelita Harapan University (UPH), Indonesia, so that I can practice in my own country without neglecting my English. Maybe I can help even more people by being a lawyer,as idealistic as it may sound, I seriously am willing to help those who're experiencing injustice but unable to help themselves- those whose voices is unheard of :)

Maybe, that's what God wants for me, and I want for myself. Besides, come what may, I know I'll be strong, ...well at least I know that as long as I can seek His help, I'll be happy!

Hey, I'll never be alone, right? ;9

----------------------------------------
Wish me luck, my Lovelies!!